This one, for all that it's a pretty close interpretation of Psalm 142 (no, really—I pored over a word-for-word literal translation from the Hebrew and paraphrased it, adding more personal bits only here and there), is my rawest song as of its release. 2022 was a rough, rough year for me, and more than at any time in my life, my whole life felt like a "prison for my soul." Financial woes, things breaking, expensive injuries, a life-threatening allergic reaction, three deaths among family and friends (two of them much too young to go), and plenty amidst all of that to bring past trauma to the front of my mind... It was easy to feel like life was steamrolling me, and I had to relearn how to dig in, figure out what I can actually control, take responsibility for that, and stop worrying about what I can't control. And to get help. And not to forget the good things.
"Clamavi" was a fun song to make, and helped me a ton with all I went through this year. It was cathartic to make, both in the distorted howls and the vibrato-starved, meditative tones of the Latin plainchant section in the middle of the song. I pushed myself to write some more involved rhythm guitar riffs, to involve the orchestra further, and to dredge up more emotion and raw feeling in my voice. I get a little pitchy in this one, in fact, partly because I was recovering from a cold, and partly as an allowance for theatrics. Whether or not that was a mistake I leave to your judgment.
lyrics
Can you hear me calling out for you?
I've laid out my worries
And my far-flung dreams
I empty my soul of its complaints at your feet
And declare my troubles with my tears
When my heart was overwhelmed
You knew my every step
I feel like I'm walking into a trap
Like my dreams are a chain
That's pulling me down into Hell
I look left and right, but no one's looking for me
The refuge I built me has failed
Does no one care for my soul?
Set me free, O Lord
Break my chains
Free my soul from its prison
So I can praise your name
Then goodness will surround me
For your purpose has been fulfilled
So, please
Set me free
I called your name, O Lord
I said, "You are my refuge
My portion in the land of life"
Do not ignore my cries
For I am brought so low
My foes are stronger than I
Clamavi ad te Domine
Dixi tu es spes mea
Portio mea
In terra viventium
Intende ad deprecationam meam
Quia humiliatus sum nimis
Libera me a persequentibus me
Quia confortati super me
I called out your name
(Clamavi ad te Domine)
I said, "You are my refuge
(Clamavi ad te Domine)
My portion in the land of life"
Do not ignore my cries
I am brought so low
My demons follow me everywhere
They're so much stronger than I
Set me free, O Lord
Break my chains
(Libera me, libera me
Educ de custodia animam meam
Ad confitendum nomini tuo
Me expectant iusti
Donec retribuas mihi)
O Lord...
(Break these chains,
Break these chains)
Free my soul from its prison
So I can praise your name
Then goodness will surround me
For your purpose has been fulfilled
So, please
Set me free
credits
released January 26, 2023
Song written, performed, recorded, mixed, and mastered by Tony Cordes.
Inire’s Mirrors is the musical work of Tony Cordes, which is to say, me: a singer, multi-instrumentalist, composer, and occasional pizza baker, cooking up killer pies and saucy electronic-symphonic-prog-rock-metal right here in Mankato, Minnesota.
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